Saturday, January 5, 2013

On the Undeniable Sex Appeal of Donna Reed


Another Christmas has passed, and for my wife and I, that meant another three-day trip to my parent’s house up in Vermont. We pulled into the long, winding driveway, tucked away amidst the evergreens, just as the sky was turning a dark, fluorescent purple. With our bottle of cheap wine—whose price label had been scratched off—in tow, we rang the clanging doorbell. The sort of doorbell that doesn’t ding-dong, so much as it lets out a sharp electric wheeze that continues breathlessly for as long as you press it. My mother’s footsteps came rumbling quickly to the door, and when she opened it she greeted us with ecstatic warmth, taking us both in her arms and kissing us on the cheek. From the other end of the living room I heard my father’s boisterously festive salutations. A big, bear-like man, he took me in for a hearty, manly handshake, before dipping his Santa hat chivalrously for the lady. He then laughed, dropping his pretenses and offering us eggnog or glasses for the wine. It’s a Wonderful Life was about to start, he reminded us.
            Flopping down on the couch with my mother at his side, he grabbed the remote and turned it on. 7:33; the movie had just started. We sipped our drinks, occasionally making a comment, and lapsing into dispatch-like conversation during commercials. But for the most part, I for one, simply allowed the warmth of the eggnog and the vaguely followed story to envelop me. That is, until Donna Reed came onto the screen.
            It’s funny how sometimes entire portions of your childhood become blocked off from your memory (not in the sense of repression, or something sinister like that, but merely in the way that old friends, and schoolteachers, and playgrounds fade out of view) only to be brought back into full, flooring consciousness by the slightest of provocations. Seeing her waltz across the screen, I was immediately brought back to days of my early childhood, watching old reruns of the Donna Reed Show, and of course, the Christmas-Eve airings of It’s a Wonderful Life. It hit me that it was then, watching reruns with my family at a point where I could still count my age on my fingers, that I had experienced my first sexual thoughts. Not that it was anything so crude, mind you. I was still just an innocent child. But her pin-up like looks, so innocently garbed those in fantasy-inducing, flowing dresses of adolescent mystery, awoke feelings in me that I could not articulate, even to myself. And maybe it was that—that inability to articulate and make concrete—which relegated the memories of those feelings to the chopping block on which such vague and fleeting notions are often placed.
            And as I sat there on the love seat, half drunk on eggnog, her undeniable sex-appeal hit me once again. Even though she was 25 at the time of the film, only a year older than me, she gave off an irresistible, milfish air. Something, nearly untouchable, but all the more maddeningly arousing for it. She had that All-American look of innocence, a real Midwestern face—the face of a girl that you could make blush with a single string of words; the face of a girl who would feign shock at any notion of proposition, but who you could tell, behind closed doors, let her unzipped dress fall to her ankles. I imagined her dropping down to her knees and furiously sucking a throbbing dick with all the tongue swirls and soft use of teeth to let you know that she knew exactly what she was doing. Just looking into her bright, family-pleasing smile, you could just see something wonderful and devious brimming underneath. She had the pleased, telling smile of a wife who fucks before church so to feel the her own wetness against the pew as her own little secret, her own little pleasure.
            Fuckable, maddeningly fuckable she was.
            I crossed my legs so to make my train of thought inconspicuous, but as I did so, I caught conscious sight of my wife, who sat nestled up against the side of my chest. Glancing down at her I could not resist the shameful, sexist lure of comparison. I could not help but see the soft coating of fat that was accumulating around her midsection. I could not help but think back to the gentle waves of ripples along her thighs. I could not help but see that her brow was to heavy, that her smile had been sagging, that her teeth had lost a shade or two. All by 26, I could see in her the inevitability of age.
            And it was then that the central dishonesty, the central illusion of It’s a Wonderful Life made itself blindingly apparent to me. All these Christmases I had blindly bought into the notion that ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ was the story of the average man being shown the meaning that one life has. And therefore that it was the story that showed the meaning and importance of the lives of all average men and women
            ‘But what average man is 6’2 and impossibly handsome?’, I thought to myself as I looked down at my scrawny 5’7 frame. ‘What average man is the most sociable and befriended man in town?’, I thought as I imagined the nine numbers in my cell-phone’s contact list. ‘What average man has the job of altruistically protecting an entire town?’, I thought to myself as I looked back to the previous week of minimum wage work and useless graduate courses.
What average man has saved concretely someone’s life? What average man has, by extention, saved dozens of lives? What average man has four unspoiled, non-hideous children? What average man has the charming voice of Jimmy Stewart?
            And what average man has a wife as fuckable as Donna Reed—at all, let alone after four kids.
            I felt body begin filling with the sloshing juices of barely contained, drunken rage. ‘It’s a wonderful life for George fucking Bailey’, I thought bitterly to myself. It wasn’t even that the movie rubbed your face in the shittiness of your own life, it was the dishonesty of it all. Because why is someone ever dishonest? Why does someone ever lie in a debate?
            Because they know that they have no argument, that their side is wrong.
            The fact that Frank Capra had felt the need to go to such elaborate lengths of dishonesty and ridiculousness to articulate his message that the average life had meaning struck me as unbelievably heartbreaking. My anger melted away at the thought of Capra, lying not to the viewers, but to himself, so to prove something that he desperately needed to believe. It made me think of every crumbling smile I’d ever seen in the solitude of a forgotten retirement home.
            Was I the only one who saw this? Jesus Christ, was I alone?
            Once again, I felt bitter hatred for the movie. ‘Any movie, any book, any piece of music should be aimed at making its consumer feel less alone in their own head, not more’, I thought to myself as I drained the rum-dense bottom of my glass. I remember reading Notes from the Underground when I was 17, and even though there wasn’t a single positive word in that entire fucking book, I found myself extremely comforted by it. It showed that at least I wasn’t alone in thinking the way I did.
            I’ve never been some cynic—I get watery-eyed at the end of each Toy Story as much as the next guy—but the isolating dishonesty in the movie’s tone repelled me. I couldn’t believe that no one else was seeing this. I glanced down at my wife’s face, but all I could see was the untelling top of her head. I then looked out of the corner of my eye to my father’s face. He simply sat there, with a warm smile on his face, and with his arm around a wife that had never looked like Donna Reed—as near all women don’t.
            This was after a life of work in an insurance office that a thousand men could have done. After a life of the casual loneliness of an American social circle. After a life of ordinary looks and ordinary accomplishments. After a life of a son who could never repay the love he’d been given, as all sons can’t, to await visits that weren’t frequent enough, as they never are.
            And yet he still sat there, softly smiling in his Santa hat, with a glass of eggnog in his hand and his arm around his wife, utterly content, watching his favorite movie on his favorite day of the year. I kept my line of sight fixed on him for quite a while. I’m still unsure if he ever noticed. But it was then that the importance of It’s a Wonderful Life dawned on me, not in what the movie said, but in what the movie was, in what it created rather than told.
            Noticing that it had changed to the commercial, I jumped up and asked if anyone else needed their glass refilled. I smiled as I refilled the glasses of my wife and of my mother and of my father, too.
            And then I re-entered the room.

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